I wrote this poem because I find myself replaying that broken record over and over again and I know I am not alone in this. I know everyone listens to those negative internal conversations running around in their head, at times letting it get the best of them. I once had someone tell me they aren't insecure and don't struggle. And honestly, I have a hard time believing that because I think everyone struggles with an insecurity to some level. Some let it play like a broken record and others may be able to shrug it off more often then others. Either way, we all believe in some lie about ourselves. I struggle with the way I look. I have never thought of myself as someone that is very pretty. I haven't always been fond of my crooked teeth or body. This stems from not being pursued by boys growing up all the way into my adulthood and being teased. I struggle with not feeling good enough in a lot of the things I do. Struggling over the years with 4 learning disabilities, I get timid and afraid that I am going to let people down or that others will not give me a chance. This stems from when people have taken over or don't believe the best in me or when others try to one up me. Or when people are impatient with me because I process slower. I had one algebra teacher in high school tell me that I was never going to get it, which translated in my head you're not smart enough to get it. It's amazing how these lies continue into adulthood like a broken record. Sometimes I stop playing the record, then one day I turn it on and let it play over and over again. What's your broken record playing?
-->Broken Record
This voice
is strong
Like a
broken record.
Satan
replays it over and over.
You’re not
good enough,
That’s all
I hear.
You’re not
good enough,
The sound
is so clear.
Stupid and ugly to name just a few.
Words that
hold on so strong,
It’s hard
to believe something new.
Lies that
seep in over the years.
Lies that
become real.
Lies that
bring about so many fears.
Over time
Satan’s power weighs me down.
The Spirit
there fighting for me,
Trying to
turn that frown upside down,
Whispering
in my ear you can be free!
The lies
demand control,
Desperately
wanting the throne.
Every day
seeking for my soul
And this
heart feels so alone.
How do I let
go when I feel so low?
O God, how I
need you.
Only through
Him will I let go!
It's time to crush that record and play something new! Time to listen to the Lord and hear his voice, not Satan's. That is the only way to be free. Will you break that record? Play something new? Play His beautiful music instead of the old, broken one that hurts. It's time to let go. It's time be free!
