Expectations.
We all have them.
I am just as guilty as anyone.
We all have experienced the pain, frustration and disappointment
of unmet expectations that we have placed upon others or others have placed on
us; whether they be the expectations of our employers and fellow employees, our
church, our friends, our relatives - especially parents, children, spouses or
dating relationships, and yes, even the expectations of pastors and other
ministry leaders.
Not all expectations are
realistic or healthy, no matter who formulates them.
The last couple years I have noticed certain expectations I put on myself, that I put on God and that I put on others. I have also noticed the expectations others have put on me. This is where I have really found myself stuck. I have seen how it has robbed me. Not meeting others expectations has caused me to beat myself
up, feeling extremely insecure and wounded. It has only brought destruction in my life. It has taken away my joy, holding me
back from living in the present, keeping me in the past. Being in full-time ministry and even in
leadership roles over the years I have experienced pressure and a certain weight
of responsibility put on me and often unfair. I feel compared to and at times torn down for not fulfilling
a role a certain way.
Expectations, they sure do suck.
Why do we put them on each other?
Why don’t we remember that our experiences and our role in the church,
in ministry or others roles God places us in are meant to be unique and shouldn’t
be compared to anyone else’s. My leadership will not be like
someone else's leadership. It’s not designed to be.
I didn't
realize the hardships I would face stepping into certain leadership roles over
the years. Honestly, it's a lonely place. But
what I have learned- I can't be all things to all people. I am not
spiritually perfect. I can't meet everyone's needs or be above being
hurt. A quote I read recently speaks it well: "People's needs
are great, and their expectations are endless. You cannot base your life and
ministry on the expectations of others." -Wayne Cordeiro
Do I feel used by others? Could part of my problem be my
need to please people? Do I live for God’s glory or the approval of man? Is
my self worth tied up in what others think of me, what I do, or in what Christ
thinks of me?
So as you can see, I have been processing expectations a lot lately -what kind of
expectations I usually place on others, on myself and on God. Because honestly I believe we often don’t notice it. The many expectations we put on others is subconscious –we’re
not often aware of it and the same goes to those who put them on us. These expectations we put on each other are often unfair and unrealistic.
In One Thousand Gifts, I read: "Expectations kill
relationships—especially with God. ... Is it only when our lives are emptied
that we're surprised by how truly full our lives were? Instead of filling with
expectations, the joy-filled expect nothing—and are filled. This breath! This
oak tree! This daisy! This work! This sky! These people! This place! This day!
Surprise! ... Are there times that a sense of entitlement—expectations—is what
inflates self, detonates anger, offends God, extinguishes joy? And what do I
really deserve? Thankfully, God never gives what is deserved, but instead, God
graciously, passionately offers gifts, our bodies, our time, our very
lives."
So as I have been milling over
expectations I decided it was important I understand the definition and this is
what I discovered: Expectation means looking forward to; anticipation; a reason for looking forward to something;
prospect for the future; the probability of the occurrence of something.
Here is my encouragement to us
all. Let your expectations be of God.
The key lesson I discovered here is to understand that
my expectation should be in God, not other people or even myself. God wants me
to have expectations, but I must make sure my expectations are in the right
place – in Him.
I realized that God wants me to
have great expectations in Him, it was a big breakthrough for me.
My soul, wait thou only upon
God; for my expectation is from him.
Psalm 62:5
