The Ability to Feel

Growing up, I remember getting my feelings hurt easily.  I got made fun of as many children experience to some degree. I was picked on and often rejected.  I was super sensitive and took things very personal.  I cried when I failed a test, when I messed up a dance routine in front of everyone or when I was left out of plans made by my friends.  Now I didn't cry over every little thing, I actually was embarrassed and ashamed when the tears came flooding from the face.  I was told to suck it up, don't be so sensitive.  Now why was it okay to express joy and happiness and not hurt, sadness or anger?  Is it so wrong to delve into the intensity of these feelings?  Where do emotions come from any way? 

This ability to feel comes from our being made in the image of God.  God did it!  Inside of me is a world of emotions and I still fight them, but I am learning to tap into them more and more the older I get.  So with that said, I am going to be vulnerable right now and share some of that intensity that I find deep and real. I am not ashamed, I am free.  So below is how I often express myself to the Lord, being completely raw!

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Falling Tears

Inside I am broken.

My heart is torn;

Lost in this cold, cold world,

Wishing I was never born.

Invisible, hidden, and rejected

My voice is silent.

I am in fear, scared out of my mind.

Everything is so violent.

My heart is pounding, deep in hurt.

Lord I am crying out,

Praying you hear my voice

Because deep within I tend to doubt.

I know I am not abiding.

I don’t understand why I keep hiding.

The tears keep falling, tumbling down my face,

I hide this shame in my pillow,

Letting my pain soak at a slow pace.

But the tears, they just keep falling.

I want out of this agony,

This is how I feel,

It can’t be covered up-

It’s just too real!